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Thread: Horse Racing in OZ

  1. #841
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    Quote Originally Posted by Charles49 View Post

    JOKE:
    Four great friends from Frankston, on the edge of the Mornington Peninsula in Melbourne, Geoff, Joey, Longy and Robbie spent weeks planning the perfect boys trip away, camping, drinking, golf and all the fun stuff that goes with it. Two days before the group is to leave, Robbie’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he is not going. Robbie’s friends were very upset that he can’t go, but what could they do? Two days later, the three get to the camping site, only to find Robbie sitting there with a beer in his hand, tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire. “Damn man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?” Well, I’ve been here since last night. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, ‘Guess who’? I pulled her hands off and saw that she was wearing a brand new hot nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to cuff her and tie her to the bed which I did. And then she said, ‘Now you can do whatever you want.’ So here I am…!”
    Good one Charles : ))) Cheers!

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  3. #842
    Forum Guru Charles49's Avatar
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    The news from Oz is that all of our borders are, or are about to be open. That's good news not only for those who have been subjected to lockdown laws, but also for the economy as it means normal domestic flights will return and pubs and clubs, cafes and shops in general will be almost back to normal, except for some social distancing restrictions. Wife is having a milestone birthday in two weeks time and has had to restrict the guest list to 50 as there are still limits on home parties, weddings and funerals, which frankly is a blessing as many of her friends don't mind a wine or three, so the reduced numbers will lessen the toilet queues, and the afterparty cleanup will be quicker with a fewer number of broken glasses.
    My punting efforts this week have been very poor with just 13 bets so far resulting in 2 winners, 3 seconds, 2 thirds and 6 unplaced. I do follow a little system that I have had for some time which has in the past produced annual win averages of between 42 to 45%. This year its well down as the stats show from my last 1066 bets only 349 have won, 323 have placed and paid a place divvy, and the other 394 have returned zilch. In terms of percentages that's a 32.7% win ratio, 30.3% place with divvy, and 37% unplaced. The win divvy's total $1032.45, so even with a very poor year I haven't done any damage to the Bank betting with a 1 win and 2 the place ratio. When you add in the place results the Bank remains intact despite the very ordinary results. I blame the covid disruption for the poor results in comparision to previous years, but that may or may not be the real reason.
    I'm confident that the world will soon rid itself of the Covid-19 invasion once the vaccines are distributed; so confident in fact that yesterday I paid a deposit for the wife and I to go to the next Rugby World Cup in France. That's despite Australia currently playing so ordinary that they can't even beat Argentina. Then again New Zealand were beaten by Argentina recently for the first time in their rugby history so the world really has gone crazy.
    Enough of the preamble, lets get on to the business of racing where this week some normality returns to racing venues. Last week not a single favourite saluted at Ballarat, which is typical of the poor result history that happens when our Administrators send racing off to the bush.
    This Saturday racing commences at Moonee Valley at 12.55pm AEST which is 2.55am in London.
    The last race will be at Ascot at 9.10pm AEST which I think is 11.10am in London.
    Here are the early fields and selections for Saturday which of course will be manipulated once the scratchings and late mail are to hand.
    I hope you are all keeping safe and saying a few Hail Mary's that those life changing vaccines are distributed asap.
    Hope your day is a good one.

    MOONEE VALLEY:
    R1 no 5 Seb Song Won $3.50
    R2 no 3 Brazen Boy
    R3 no 1 Ocean's Thirteen Won $4
    R5 no 4 Deep Speed 2nd
    R6 no 3 Mariamia...currently $18...worth a tote ticket each way.
    R7 no 8 One More Try Won $5
    R9 no 2 Bandersnatch Won $7.50

    ROSEHILL:
    R1 no 6 Sliders 2nd
    R2 no 7 Relucent 4th
    R3 no 2 Art Cadeau 2nd
    R5 no 7 Plaquette
    R9 no 12 On the White Turf...hail mary bet on the last here at $17 or better


    DOOMBEN:
    R1 no 3 Ligulate Won $2.70
    R3 no 9 Gin 'n' Bitters Won $2.10
    R5 no 15 Miss Penfold..rough chance at 25/1 or better
    R6 no 7 Grand Zou
    R7 no 11 Baller... 3rd...danger is no 8 Boomtown Lass 2nd
    R9 no 2 Jadentom 3rd

    ASCOT:
    R3 no 5 Island Missile
    R5 no 6 Resortman Won $2.70
    R7 no 7 Megadon. 3rd..worth an eachway ticket at $7 or better. Throw No 1 Manhattan Money ($8) into the quinella.
    R9 no 1 Trekking

    LAY BETS:
    SR6 no 10 Bonvicini Started 2nd Fav. Ran unplaced. Lay bet Won
    SR8 no 4 Snitz Started $3.50 Fav. Ran unplaced. Lay Bet Won


    Cheers 'n' Beers


    JOKE:
    1st TEXT MESSAGE: Hi George, this is Richard your next door neighbour. I’ve got a confession to make. I’ve been completely riddled with guilt for a number of months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you this face-to-face. At least I’m telling you in this text. I can’t live with myself a minute longer without your knowing about this. The truth is that when you’re not around I’ve been sharing your wife, day and night. In fact, probably much more than you. I haven’t been getting it at home recently and I know that’s no excuse, however the temptation was just too great and I can’t live with the guilt anymore. I am very, very sorry. I hope you’ll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage and I’ll pay you straight away………Regards……Richard
    George, feeling enraged and betrayed grabbed his gun, went next door and shot Richard dead. He returned home and shot his wife dead, then poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. George then looked at his phone and discovered a 2nd text message from Richard.
    2nd TEXT MESSAGE: Hi George, Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I assume you figured it out and noticed that the darned spell-check had changed “wi-fi” to “wife.” Technology, huh it does it all the time? It’ll be the death of us all.
    Last edited by Charles49; 28th November 2020 at 09:28 AM.

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  5. #843
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    Another good joke! Glad to hear things are getting back to normal in Oz. No such luck in the UK but they have announced some crowds can return to sports events in some parts of the country depending on what Tier of restrictions they are in. But it will be few and far between for the time being but at least it is a start! It is great to hear the crowds roar at the Oz race meetings though I think it was Doomben the other week the commentator was bemoaning the fact some had had a few to many Tooheys New and you could barely hear him!

    The covid issues seem to have changed a lot of markets so I think you are right about your results. Hopefully next year with things getting back to normal, your results will as well!

    Good luck this weekend!
    Last edited by Charles49; 3rd December 2020 at 06:05 AM.

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  7. #844
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    It seems we have some better Covid news around for those of you living in the UK with the advise that the UK Government have decided to dispense with the usual new vaccine proving period and have opted to get the first batch of vaccines out there asap. That's a big positive as it gives not only a chance to protect oneself from this rotten virus but it also gives hope right across the board as its a vaccine that can be used by the young thru to the elderly. I understand that the elderly and those in care will be given priority along with a few pollies and VIP's so unless you are in that sacred lot then you'll need to be patient. Vaccinations start on Monday which is interesting because much has been written about the difficulties with this vaccine in respect of maintaining quality at very low temperatures. Of course Australia will no doubt be watching closely here as to how low temps can be achieved and the quality of the vaccine maintained without loss of effectiveness.
    Our Government has taken the safe route and will be distributing vaccines in March after the normal testing time has been satisfactorily completed. Lets hope these vaccines are 100% effective and we can all return asap to what we knew as normality.
    Weather here has been hotter than normal as evidenced by the temperature in my pool which is currently 30deg. Nice in but hardly the way to cool down. Think I will throw in some ice cubes to try and get the temp down.!! TV just told me to expect a 40deg day shortly.
    On a personal note have had 17 bets this week for 4 winners and 9 seconds (very frustrating!) no thirds and 4 that were unplaced.
    This Saturday racing commences at Pakenham...yes the city racing has gone bush again which means bet carefully as results will not be easy to predict. Start time is 12.50pm AEST which I think is the equivalent to 1.50am on Saturday morning in London.
    Last Race will be at Ascot and that will be run at 8.30pm which again I think is 9.30am London time.
    I hope you are all safe and now out of any chance of a lockdown scenario.
    Stay safe and back plenty of winners which will help to keep your mind off the virus requirements. If that fails then drink plenty of alcohol as that seems to do the trick...in my case at least!!
    The early selections will go up early tomorrow AEST and then once the scratchings are received along with the late mail the "still working" sign will be taken down and then the results will follow once each race is completed.
    Have fun and enjoy.

    PAKENHAM:
    R1 no 3 Nantucket...danger is no 6 Written Miss Won $2.30
    R2 no 8 Meteorite
    R5 no 2 All Too Huiying
    R8 no 5 The Astrologist Won $2.60
    R9 no 11 Score

    ROSEHILL:
    R1 no 6 Kiku 3rd
    R3 no 10 Post Free ....has a rough chance of filling a place at 15/1
    R4 no 8 The Elanora Won $3.60
    R5 no 5 Edison Won $3.10
    R8 no 2 Ivinciano

    DOOMBEN:
    R1 no 5 Subterranean Won $4.50
    R3 no 2 Tokoriki Lad
    R4 no 3 Paniagua.. Won $2.30 .thought no 6 Ritchford had a rough chance at 33/1
    R6 no 3 So You WinWon $2.50
    R8 no 8 Jonker 2nd
    R9 no 1 Gotta Kiss 2nd

    ASCOT:
    R3 no 5 Long Beach 2nd
    R2 no 11 Bragwell 2nd
    R5 no 1 Chantrea.. 3rd...no 10 Tycoon Storm is the late mail
    R7 no 10 Celebrity Queen 2nd
    R8 no 4 Too Close The Sun...late mail is No 12 Inspirational Girl 2nd

    LAY BETS:
    BR4 no 2 Eshiele Started $4. Ran unplaced. Lay Bet Won
    SR3 no 6 Eva's Deel Won $7. Lay Bet Lost
    MR3 no 9 Starcaster Ran unplaced. Lay Bet Won

    Cheers 'n' Beers

    JOKE:
    Three tough Aussie guys, Shane, Ricky and Billy were working on a high-rise building project in Surfers Paradise. Unfortunately, Shane falls off the scaffolding and is killed instantly, everyone is shattered. As the Ambulance takes the body away, Ricky says, ‘Someone should go and tell his wife.’ Billy says, ‘OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.’ Two hours later, he comes back carrying a slab of Crown Lagers on his shoulder. Ricky says, ‘Where did you get that Billy?’ ‘Shane’s wife gave it to me.’ Billy continues, ‘That’s unbelievable, you told the poor lady her husband has just passed away and she gave you a slab of beer?’ ‘Well not exactly,’ Billy said. ‘When she answered the door, I said to her, “You must be Shane’s widow”.’ She said, ‘No, I’m not a widow.’ And I said, ‘I’ll bet you a slab of Crown Lagers that you are.
    Last edited by Charles49; Yesterday at 01:38 PM.

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