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Thread: Thoughts of the day

  1. #101
    Member Nosmo-King's Avatar
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    "I intend to live forever......so far, so good."

    "Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy."

    "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."


    Steven Wright, famously erudite scientist and comic

  2. #102
    Forum Guru kingsley's Avatar
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    Default Brain function.

    No real category for this but gets the brain working and if you can read this you have a strong mind:



    7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15.


  3. #103
    Forum Guru Thomson's Avatar
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    Well I'm one of those certain people that can read that message, but I also have the ability to read and interpret car number plates.
    Did you get that from the DVLA job interview questionnaire.?

  4. #104
    Forum Guru Thomson's Avatar
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    Here's a thought for today, Sci-Fi movies. Set way in the future, all manner of stuff, cloaking devices, fazers fantastic weapons of destruction.
    With today's weapons we have heat seeking, over horizon aiming. Loads of different ways to hit those baddy targets.
    So why in the future do people still have to aim a weapon at the target, and why do they still miss.......
    Last edited by Thomson; 6th October 2011 at 10:08 AM. Reason: speeling

  5. #105
    Director of Public Records Cran's Avatar
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    345Y
    guess I'm a certain people then, you could put 2's for R's as well
    If you want more luck... Take more chances!

  6. #106
    Forum Guru thebarron's Avatar
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    Plan a trade & trade a plan

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  8. #107
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    They say so many people die because of alcohol...

    Perhaps they never realised how many of them are born because of it...

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  10. #108
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  12. #109
    Blasphemer Firkinelle's Avatar
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    JFK'S
    Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when
    DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO. DeGaulle said he wanted all
    US military out of France as soon as possible.





    Rusk responded
    "Does that include those who are buried here?"




    DeGaulle did not respond.



    You could have
    Heard a pin drop



    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    There was a conference in France where a number of international
    engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a
    break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have
    you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft
    carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he
    intended to do, bomb them?'



    A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly:



    'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several
    hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply
    Emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three
    cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day,
    They can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water
    each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in
    transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We
    have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'


    You could have
    Heard a pin drop.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included
    Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French
    Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large
    group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries.
    Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a
    French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many
    languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that
    we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than
    speaking French?'



    Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied,



    'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans
    arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'


    You could have
    Heard a pin drop.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN
    WITH THE ABOVE...



    Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.
    At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his
    carry on.



    "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked
    sarcastically.



    Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.



    "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."



    The American said,



    'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."



    "Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival
    in France !"



    The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he
    quietly explained,



    ''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help
    liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a
    passport to."


    You could have
    Heard a pin drop.
    If you can't be honest when you are wrong, you've less chance of being right next time

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  14. #110
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  16. #111
    Blasphemer Firkinelle's Avatar
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    Places I have and have not been

    I was in Credulous when I got this. I know it is hard to believe.

    I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

    I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

    I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

    I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

    I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

    I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

    Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

    One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

    And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not!

    I have been in Deepshit many times; the older I get, the easier it is to get there.
    If you can't be honest when you are wrong, you've less chance of being right next time

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  18. #112
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  20. #113
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    Understeer is when the front of your car hits the wall.

    Oversteer is when the back of your car hits the wall.

    Horsepower is how fast you hit the wall.

    Torque is how far you take the wall with you.

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  22. #114
    Forum Guru kingsley's Avatar
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    Default Whatever you do........

    Apologies if you've seen this before!!

    Never, NEVER, NEVER, under any circumstances,take a sleeping pill, and
    a laxative on the same night!

    Also:

    1 * Accept the fact that some days you're the Pigeon, and some days you're the statue!

    2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

    3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

    4 * Drive carefully... It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker..

    5 * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

    6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

    7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

    8 * Never buy a car you can't push.

    9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

    10 * Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

    11 * Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

    12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.
    =
    13 * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

    14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

    16 * Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

    17 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty, and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

    18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

    19 *Save the earth.... It is the only planet with chocolate!*= =

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  24. #115
    Forum Guru flok's Avatar
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    ladies and gentlemen... my poem of the sunday morning:

    i have a headache
    and i can't even cry,
    because my tear would contain alcohol
    and burn my eye


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  26. #116
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    Q?) Whats the difference between the Icelandic volcano and Cheryl Cole?
    A!) The volcano is still blowing Ash.

    [old but Gold]

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  28. #117
    Forum Guru doubleback's Avatar
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  30. #118
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  32. #119
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    Whenever you're feeling powerless,
    remember that just one of your turds can shut down a whole swimming pool.

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  34. #120
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